i was born a porn star she said
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All I want is dick and wine.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize