my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
