Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
youre lurking in front of me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
