The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
