those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
