no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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