Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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