I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
