chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
