just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
