the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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