dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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