is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
