I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize