I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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