Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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