Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Fuck appropriateness.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
