note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
