dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
