How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
