there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
