The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
