Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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