Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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