everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bring money and cleavage
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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