you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
