Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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