we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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