Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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