Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
