Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize