So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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