I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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