Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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