she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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