cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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