Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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