then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
