you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
