..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
