I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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