I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
