guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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