Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
