just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
