Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
