Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
