I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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