You're completely useless in the revolution.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
