he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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