Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
