I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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