You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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