i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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