Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
