I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drake has all the answers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
