wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
