Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
