Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
