The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
