What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
