I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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