My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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