Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
