I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
