I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
