A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
