I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
