peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's get the cat blown out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
