I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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