I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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