Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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