We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
