i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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