Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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