booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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