My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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