I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
