I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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