dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
