how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she peed on how many people?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
