Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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