new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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