Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize