I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
