I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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