im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
