So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
