Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
