Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
