I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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