We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
