...so i touched it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize