I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
