I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
