You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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