just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
vagina is talking i cant
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
