She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm getting married
To pizza
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