My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
