I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize