just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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